You’ve got the chocolate bar. You’ve got the mop of blond hair. Your possibly polyamorous grandparents watch on with glee from their frankly baffling sleeping situation. But just because you’ve won the golden ticket, it doesn’t make you Charlie.

Scottish football conspiracists would do well to keep in mind the other four children who didn’t survive the factory tour on that fateful day as they protest Buckie Thistle’s predicament – or outrageous shock snub, depending on your penchant for the sensational.

The Highland League champions had earned their place in the SPFL Pyramid play-off and were slated to take on Lowland counterparts East Kilbride at K Park today before news came on Thursday afternoon that the game had been scrapped, with the Jags lacking the requisite licence to compete in League Two had they eventually won promotion. 

Licences are awarded by the SFA based on criteria ranging from PA systems and floodlights to media officers and equality monitoring, with Platinum status awarded to the top clubs and Bronze the minimum entry requirement for the fourth tier, and Thistle failed to tick the box when it came to sourcing a doctor to staff home games. In such cases though, teams are permitted to apply for and often granted a grace period so as they can get their house in order without missing out on the step up. Thistle were not.

“The pyramid has crumbled,” proclaimed one X user. “No sporting integrity, just flat-out corruption,” added a bedfellow. “North teams getting s*****d again,” it was agreed.   

What was conveniently ignored among the yelps of indignation and predictable condemnation of the SFA was the inconvenient truth that the governing body had notified all Highland and Lowland League clubs in December to remind them of the SPFL’s membership requirements.

Known as the McMenemy Rule in footballing circles, after the Stenhousemuir chairman Iain championed its introduction, the need for a licence was intended to raise standards across the leagues, although its detractors argue its main purpose was to help keep the league a closed shop. The debate is irrelevant in Buckie’s case – the rule stands regardless. 

READ MORE: SFA confirm Buckie Thistle thrown out of pyramid play-off

Buckie wheeled out their own statement, claiming the club were “stunned and devastated” at the news. Given they had been in regular dialogue with the SFA’s club licensing department over the matter since the turn of the year, they may have some sceptics questioning the veracity of their response.

The Moray side also stated that they had applied for a period of grace for four items on April 23, which seems like an unforgivable oversight by the SFA, a smoking gun, until you take into account that the deadline for such applications was March 31, three weeks and a bit beforehand.

Last night chairman Gary Farquhar took to his keyboard, again admitting to have missed the cut-off date for a grace period – “an error never to be repeated” – while the club website revealed they were considering arbitration. Despite this, it is understood the club contacted the SFA last night to make clear no such avenue would be pursued. 

The Herald: A young Buckie Thistle supporter watches her team play CelticA young Buckie Thistle supporter watches her team play Celtic (Image: SNS)

The fact is no matter whether Buckie as a club are “stunned and devastated” or not, they certainly need to be seen as being “stunned and devastated”, a stooshie is needed, or they risk accusations of sloppy management, lacking ambition from their fan base or, worse, branded “tinpot”. The unfortunate reality is once the bluster dies down, Buckie will need to take this one on the chin and learn from their mistakes. And of course for a club at that level, there are silver linings to be had in remaining a big fish in a small pond.

Investment would have been needed to bring the side up to scratch both on and off the park and while some may point to the Highland side’s fairy-tale Scottish Cup run this season – their fourth-round defeat to Celtic was reported to have banked them £200,000, enough to cover their running costs through to 2026 – this windfall stretches a lot further in the fifth tier than the fourth.

Travel costs would soar as well, with costly away trips to Dumbarton, Bonnyrigg and possibly Clyde or Stranraer eating into finances and testing the commitments of travelling supporters. Twelve hours on a bus to Stair Park and back. Dante’s A9 Circles of Hell.

That Highland sting would also likely cause personnel issues. Buckie Thistle are currently able to rely on unearthing players too talented for the division but unable to justify joining the lower rungs of full-time football, with all the family and work commitments that would suffer. If trekking the length and breadth of the country doesn’t appeal, the club would have to settle for lesser talents who are willing or else tempt better players north – another expensive venture.

The more comfortable option for Thistle – indeed now the only option – is to stay put, consolidate, invest and in seasons to come take their chance when they are better equipped to compete.

READ MORE: Kevin McKenna: Buckie Thistle face Celtic hoping to do their town proud

Spare a thought for Brechin City though who, after losing out on the title on goal difference, would have jumped at the chance to play East Kilbride this weekend had the rules allowed it. Chairman Kevin Mackie confirmed in the press that the Angus side had spent “thousands of pounds” making sure their SPFL bronze licence was in place should they need it.   

“What’s the point of having teams playing for a Highland League championship when they know that some of the teams who might win it don’t even want to go up the pyramid?” said Mackie, and his frustration is completely understandable but given their vehement reaction to the news, who’s to say what Buckie did or didn’t want? It’s a world of pure imagination after all...