IT was groundhog day at Holyrood. Literally. February 2 is when, without even an executive order to justify the weirdness of it, an American town full of fun-loving sadists hauls out a groundhog to forecast the weather.
If Punxutawney Phil, as the poor fanged doormat is known, sees his shadow, it means six more weeks of winter. Ruth Davidson also cast quite a shadow at FMQs - and it put Nicola Sturgeon in the shade. The Scottish Tory leader must hope it was a better omen than Phil’s.
It started with a mandatory harangue on tax. The SNP want more of it, gasped Ms Davidson.
The First Minister said a smidge of tax was better than Tory inequality.
She then referred to the Tory Defence Secretary fluffing Ms Davidson name on the radio.
“The Scottish Government is on the side of those on low incomes. I will leave Ruth Davidson - or Harrison, or whatever she is called - to argue the case for tax cuts for the rich.”
Ms Davidson had anticipated that. “The FM can just call me The Protector of Scottish Families’ Pay Packets,” she smiled, with a swish of her cape and a dashing twirl of her moustache.
Scotland’s least catchy superhero then turned to business rates, specifically those crippling the Banff Springs Hotel, which faces a £50,000 revaluation hike in April.
“Either it reluctantly puts up its charges or it goes bust,” she said. Having chosen the former, it had received its first complaint, about an £80 room hire fee.
The complainer said that was “excessive” and had threatened to go elsewhere.
“The name of the customer? The Banff branch of the SNP. If the First Minister’s own party can't support her policy, isn't time she did something about it?”
As the laughter pealed around her, Ms Sturgeon looked like she wanted the nearest groundhog to pull limb from limb.
“Let us get back to the core issue,” she spluttered, as the taunts kept going.
Still, there was always Willie Rennie to make her feel better.
“Once upon a time,” the LibDem leader began when his turn came.
“Listen carefully,” he tutted as the giggles started, before segueing to Police Scotland.
“Thank you for reminding us the LibDems occupy a fairytale world,” replied the FM.
Mr Rennie then got on his high unicorn about changes to Highlands & Islands Enterprise.
The FM pointed out the subject was discussed immediately before FMQs.
“Maybe he was too busy loving himself outside the chamber,” she said.
This, one prays, was a reference to a recent TV appearance in which Mr Rennie meant to say he loved elections, but instead declared: “I love myself”. Although with LibDems, especially Willies, you never can tell what urges might overwhelm them.
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