AFTER he stopped being gushing in his praise of Donald Trump, Alex Salmond was equally gushing in his criticism. As Labour folk reflected on the new President-elect, one of Eck’s past jibes lifted their flagging spirits. In January, Mr Salmond said that if Trump won he would go to Antarctica as that was the last place the radioactivity would reach. “Perhaps we can crowd-fund the trip?” gasped one eager MSP. Incidentally, even Holyrood’s lunch menu the day after the election had a political flavour. The main course was Mexican and the dessert was full of bananas.

SHADOW Scottish Secretary Dave Anderson was in Midlothian last week to call for an inquiry into the policing of the 1984-85 miners’ strike. It was an emotional moment, as he and ex-pitmen gathered at the National Museum of Mining. Which may explain his over-excited declaration: “We have a chance to wrong this right!”

AND now this week’s item on Scottish Labour spin doctor Alan Roden. In his younger, leaner days, it seems Roddo applied to join the Army as an intelligence officer. An interview with recruiters went well. But he veered into journalism instead, and is now embedded in Her Majesty’s opposition. In other words, he sounds just like a fifth columnist. “Mind you,” observes our source. “Why plant a spy inside Labour when Jeremy Corbyn is destroying it just fine?”

TALKING of odd turns, Roddo’s Scottish Labour colleague, political director Martin McCluskey, has just passed his driving test. Almost immediately, he was ordered to drive Kezia Dugdale round Glasgow. It was, we hear, a “terrifying experience” for his boss. At one point, she even had to tell him to stop at a red light. Not a colour many Labour wonks still recognise..

ALSO Driving Ms Kezzy has been Roddo’s sidekick Kieron Higgins, who was in agony on Thursday as he chaperoned his boss in a Holyrood pub. As Ms Dugdale held forth to hacks about the media, Kieron jammed himself next to her, terrified she would say something unwise. He’s in luck. Everyone was too far gone to remember a word of it.

TORY newbie Liam Kerr is already on the Holyrood naughty step, we see. When the North East MSP recently wrote to 20 community councils, he included the partisan plug “and I thank everyone who voted Conservative and Unionist on 7th May”. This has been deemed a misuse of parliamentary resources and Mr Kerr forced to repay a whopping £12.92. Flouting the rules is never a good look. Especially as Mr Kerr has been a lawyer for the last decade.

POLITICIANS in trouble love a good tsar to take off the heat. Experts are a wonderful distraction. But some problems are just too tangled. As the Lords debated Japanese Knotweed, Labour peer George Foulkes suggested “a knotweed tsar” to get rid of the blasted weed. However a government minister drily observed "herbicides, injections and glyphosate" might be more effective. His name? Lord Gardiner, of course.