In the family

NOT had a wedding story for a while. Matt Vallance tells us: “A wedding photographer’s wife was telling me her job was to have the subjects of the next picture lined up, ready to go. This worked fine until she spent 15 fruitless minutes trying to find ‘Mary Dawn’.

“The bride, apparently, had wanted a picture of those who were ‘mairried-oan’ to her immediate family.”

Going round in circles

WE can feel his pain. Author Ian Spring, in his book Real Glasgow in which he tours the city, writes about taking the Subway to Partick from town but nods off, and comes to at Govan.

Says Ian: “Govan is one of the larger stations and has an entrance at either end of each platform. As the train pulled into the station I noted a train pulling into the opposite platform. I jumped off, ran up and down the stairs and just caught the closing doors of the train.

“Looking round I realised I had run down the wrong stairs and got back on the same train.”

Tanned by the competition

AFTER our story about competitive colleagues, David Moncur in Brightons, near Falkirk, tells us: “I used to work with one such person who, if you told him you had been to Tenerife on holiday, he would claim to have gone to Elevenerife. “

Pampered wife

VALENTINE’S Day today – well we did warn you – and a reader reminds us of the loudmouth in the Glasgow bar who announced: “The wife said she wanted to be pampered onValentine’s Day.

“But I had a look at them in the supermarket, and there’s no way she would fit in them.”

A frosty reception

AND a Glasgow reader sums up today for many with the poem: Roses are red Violets are blue.

They had neither at the garage So it’s De-Icer for you.

Hacked off

READER John Henderson says there was much discussion after Rangers put on their website that they had parted company with manager Mark Warburton. Fans originally wondered if the website had been hacked, with one piping up: “Perhaps Putin is finally getting his revenge for Rangers beating Moscow Dynamo in the 1972 European Cup-Winners’ Cup final.”

In the line of fire

GOOD to see Mel Brooks getting a Bafta Fellowship at the age of 90. Mel served in the American Army during the war, and tells the story of taking a patrol out when they came across telephone polls with ceramic insulators and they had a shooting contest to see who could hit the most.

When they got back to base there was a flap about the telephone lines being down and fears that there were German snipers. So Mel took his patrol back out. “We never did find them,” he said.

Sweet dreams

EVEN Harry Potter writer JK Rowling has been slagging off TV presenter Piers Morgan for always sucking up to Donald Trump. As James Martin put it: “It’s now hard to imagine a world without Piers Morgan and Donald Trump. But it’s well worth the effort.”