Pop goes Article 50 ruling

THE Article 50 ruling was of course big news yesterday. The Edinburgh Evening News reported: “Outlander star Sam Heughan has voiced his dismay at the Scottish Parliament being denied a vote on Article 50.”

This proved too much for Tory MSP Murdo Fraser who took to social media to ask: “Does anyone know what view Jedward take on the Supreme Court judgment? Vital that we are told.”

Flight of fancy

IT’S just over three months to the local council elections in Scotland, and we remember years ago a Glasgow Labour MP complaining about the lack of help he got in his election campaign from local councillors. As he put it: “It’s funny how some councillors can’t climb a flight of stairs in a tenement to deliver a leaflet, but can happily skip up a flight of stairs to a plane if a foreign trip is in the offing.”

Facing the music

HOSPITAL tales continued. Says John Mair: “I visited a hospital maintenance department that had on display a terse report submitted by an engineer. It read, ‘1.30am received call from Ward 3 complaining of sound of Radio 1 coming from heating system. This was keeping the patients awake and would affect their recovery. Left a warm bed, battled through a blizzard. arrived in ward at 2.15am. All patients asleep, could not hear any sound from heating due to patients snoring. Eventually found the problem to be a portable radio that had fallen behind a radiator.

“‘Resisted temptation to turn up volume and replace behind radiator. Slammed radio down on nurses’ desk and left ward at 2.30am. Outside the blizzard was blowing stronger. Spent rest of night huddled in porters’ lodge’.”

All that jazz

VETERAN singer Neil Diamond is planning another visit to Glasgow’s Hydro arena this October. We recall he once told his Glasgow audience that, while filming The Jazz Singer, he asked a soundman to help him perform an emotional scene by playing music to make him feel angry. The man complied – by playing a Barry Manilow record.

A bit dipsy

LA La Land is the film with the most Oscar nominations. But as a reader confided to us: “It’s no better than all the other Tellytubby films.”

That sinking feeling

TODAY’S daft gag comes from Debbie Fleming in Canada, who remarks: “I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing. He replied that he was working on ‘aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment’. I was impressed.

“But on further enquiring I learnt that he was washing dishes, under his wife’s supervision.”

Perfect timing

HE just couldn’t stop himself - we mentioned the chilli powder container marked “best before 2015”, and old chum Reevel Alderson at the BBC says: “I was making a curry last night and noticed the packet of chilli powder also said best before 2015. As it was just after half past seven, I reckoned it was fine to use.”

No end to my grief A COLLEAGUE came over and stared at me typing so I stopped and looked at him. He nodded at my keyboard and announced: “The F key on my computer keyboard isn’t blooming working. It’s giving me no end of grief.”