He’ll drink to that
A NEW Year benefit we never realised. As reader John Cuthbertson in Drumoig, Fife, tells us: “A friend was playing golf here on New Year’s morning and shot a hole-in-one at the 16th. As it was his first ever he was delighted to have finally achieved what all golfers long to do. He quickly realised what the consequence of having a hole-in-one is, but then suddenly remembered that the bar was closed as it was New Year’s Day. Some golfers have more luck than others!”

Right on cue
DID you get caught up in the darts this week with Scotsman Gary Anderson in the final? As a reader once remarked: “You know you’ve got too much time on your hands when you spend 20 minutes wondering what your darts walk-on music would be.”
Anyway, he seems a great chap Gary, and not at all a stereotypical Scotsman when he explained in a recent interview how he got into the game. Said Gary: “At the pub it was a pound for a game of pool. Money was tight. A game of darts was free. That’s how we all got into it.”

He has a point
AND we always liked the true story of darts being banned in Glasgow pubs 
50 years ago as the council said it encouraged gambling and violence. 
A keen darts fan at the time asked a Glasgow bailie why dominoes, which also encouraged gambling, was not similarly banned. “Have you ever heard of anyone being stabbed with a domino?” the bailie memorably replied.

Cupboard love
IT was the first day back at work yesterday for some workers after Christmas and New Year, and one reader in Glasgow confesses that he wished his office Christmas party had not actually been held in the office. It was only when he returned yesterday that he recalled he ended the drink-fuelled evening hiding in the supplies cupboard. When he heard someone passing he would jump out shouting “Supplies!”

Stiff response
IN fact, I bumped into a colleague I’d not seen for over a week. Out of the blue he barked at me: “When I die I want my body donated to science.”
I was still thinking of a suitable reply when he added: “But more specifically 
a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life.”

Striking a cord
FEELING old, continued. A Bishopbriggs reader says he told his grand-daughter who was on her mobile phone to “hang up” as dinner was ready. “What does hang up mean?” 
she asked.

Pregnant pause
A SOUTH side reader getting the train into Glasgow yesterday heard a young woman tell her partner: “I think I’m a bit psycho this pregnancy” however her partner reassured her: “I don’t think so. I think you’ve been lovely.”
She thought about this before replying: “I’d probably say that too if 
my wife was a bit psycho.”

Getting away with murder
A PAISLEY reader swears to us he heard two young women discussing 
a mutual friend, with one of them claiming the friend was really boring. She emphasised her point by declaring: “Even if she murdered someone, the police still wouldn’t describe her as 
a ‘person of interest’.”

Being resolute
DO people still make New Year Resolutions? A reader emails us to say: “I don’t make new ones. I just repeat last year’s but tell myself I really mean it this time.”