Life on Mars?
FUNNY how healthy eating is quietly forgotten at this time of year. As Peter Smith reflected: “As a personal tribute to David Bowie, I’ve made a whole tin of Heroes last just for one day.”

Not switched on
FOLK are reflecting on what they got for Christmas. Says Brian Donohoe in Irvine: “Interesting what you hear in shops at this time of year. A wee wummin was telling her pal what she got from her mother for Christmas – a tool box. She fell out with her maw over it, saying when she opened the parcel she thought it was going to be a telly.”

Being childish
TALKING of overheard conversations, Wilson Blakey in Milngavie says: “Heard at Queen Street Station just before Christmas as they got on a train. Girlfriend to boyfriend, ‘I’m not looking for commitment, all I want is a baby’.”

Tooth ache
NOT every present made life easy. As a Bearsden reader told us: “Was given a new phone and was told by the family I could pair it with something called Bluetooth in my car and I was sent out to do so. I think it’s easier to get pandas to mate.”

Flushed in Scotland
AS ithers see us. German couple Benjamin Nerding and Marta Sobczak are travelling around the world on a tandem, and have written about their crossing of Scotland. Said the couple: “In Dundee we had a lovely evening with Jim, who prepared for us a traditional Scottish dish – The Chicken Surprise (the surprise is that it doesn’t contain any chicken!).”
Aye, that’s Dundee for you.
And a surprising fact they add: “You can also find some weird rules in Scotland that, for unknown reasons, still exist in Scottish law. Apparently, if you are Scottish, it is forbidden by law to deny someone to use your toilet who knocks on your door and asks for it! The comfort of an empty bladder seems to be an important issue here.”

Not a looker
A YOUNGER reader passes on a conversation he heard in a Glasgow club post-Christmas when a young girl dressed to the nines told her pal: “That guy over there is getting on ma nerves.”
When her friend looked over then told her: “He’s no even lookin’ at you,” she replied: “That’s why he’s gettin’ oan ma nerves.”

Having a big lie-in
AN Edinburgh reader tells us he was invited to a friend’s surprise birthday party by the chap’s wife who had everyone sworn to secrecy about the big night. He tells us that his pal made a speech where he declared that his enjoyment of the night was slightly spoiled by the knowledge that all his family and friends can easily lie to his face without him knowing.

Take a letter
WE are bringing down the curtain on our film contest of removing one letter from a title. But before we do, time to squeeze in: 
l Life of Bran: he’s not the Messiah.  He’s a veggie naughty boy (David Walker).
l All Quiet on the Western Font: at last an uninterrupted christening in Kelvinside (Duncan Mcintyre).
l The Pelican Brie: Julia Roberts and Denzel Washington chases a big beaked bird who has stolen his cheese (Ian Elston).
l Coo Running: Scotland’s answer to the Spanish tradition (Carl Williamson).
Winner of the Champagne dinner for two, courtesy of the Urban Bar & Brasserie in St Vincent Place, Glasgow will be chosen soon.