Judi’s word is not her Bond
ANOTHER crop of entries to our Christmas contest, in which film titles are shorn of one letter to make something considerably more interesting.
* Despicable M: Judi Dench betrays Bond to SMERSH (David Donaldson)
* For Your Yes Only: the SNP proposes a change to the Indyref2 ballot paper
* Mr & Mr Smith: remake of 2005 box office hit but with slightly more up-to-date values (both John Mulholland)
* Bravehart: courageous, mature Scottish stag faces down English stalkers
* How to Train Our Dragon: a married couple decide something has to be done about her mother
* How to Train Our Dragon 2: Now it’s his mother who is playing up (all Matt Vallance)
* The Killin of Sister George – a nurse’s reflection of growing up in rural Scotland (Allan Langley)
The prize is a champagne dinner for two, donated by the Urban Bar & Brasserie in St Vincent Place, Glasgow. More entries tomorrow.
Accent on change
DICK Van Dyke, 91, will take part in the belated sequel to Mary Poppins, due for release on Christmas Day, 2018. Which will, with luck, give him enough time to master a new accent in place of the awful Cockney one he affected for the original film.
As he once said: “People in the UK love to rib me about my accent, I will never live it down. They ask what part of England I was meant to be from and I say it was a little shire in the north where most of the people were from Ohio.”
Train of thought
SCOTRAIL has apologised after a train driver “forgot” to stop at Croy on his Glasgow-Edinburgh run. Comments Neil Homer on HeraldScotland: “He was probably so confused by the fact he was able to go from Edinburgh to Glasgow without a signal failure that he forgot where he was.”
Hipster handshake
DEEDEE Cuddihy was walking down Argyle Street in Hipsterville (as some people refer to Finnieston) when she overhead an intriguing conversation.
A young man in front of her was talking to someone on his mobile phone, apparently having gone to view a room to let in a flat. He said: “So the guy told me he’d let me know and as he was seeing me out the door, I went for a normal handshake and he went for a ‘bro shake’ so I really ------it up,” he said. “I think that means I haven’t got the room.”
Adds Deedee: “Who would have thought that, outside the Masons, a handshake had so much significance?”
“Bro shakes” can, incidentally, be found on YouTube if you’re interested.
Whatever next?
THE Diary’s ‘Hawd Me Back’ award for December goes to Goldsmith’s, University of London, for this tweet, spotted yesterday by Foster Evans: “The Love & Sex with Robots conference at @GoldsmithsUoL @goldcomputing continues today.”
Blue joke
LOTS of people have been recalling the Jewish humour of Rabbi Lionel Blue, the much-loved, long-time contributor to the Thought for the Day slot on Radio 4’s Today Programme, who has died at the age of 86.
Like this example, related by Rokewood on Twitter: “Jewish guy sends a holiday postcard to his therapist: ‘Having a wonderful time. Why?’”
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