THE 120th anniversary of the Glasgow Subway reminds Bill Mitchell: "As a student in the seventies I used the 'shoogly' every day. The late night trains had a conductor who, summer and winter, wore an ankle-length overcoat with his whistle attached to a chain that reached the floor. He would wander up and down the carriage helping himself to chips from passengers' carry-out suppers, so presumably offsetting his wages by never having to eat at home."

And a fellow student at that time, Iain Scott recalls: "My history lecturer Michael Clanchy talked about his pregnant wife having to nip out the house and get a whiff of the Subway from time to time. I have a funny feeling the subsequent child was Kate Clanchy the very fine novelist, so it paid dividends, that daily fix."

GETTING old continued. Says Bruce Skivington: "Going into the supermarket the other day I pointed out a sign saying 'Only eight sleeps to Christmas' to my wife. She replied, 'In your case that's 16 if you include your afternoon nap'."

MORE tales of obsessive ironing by mothers. Says a Muirend reader: "My mother used to put creases in my brother's football shorts. He's still traumatised by the comments from his team-mates. And a friend's mother somehow managed to iron all the creases out of her cheesecloth blouse. Remember cheesecloth?"

A COLLEAGUE corners me with a smile on his face so I know a gag is coming.

"Did you see in the news that the French are concerned about 80% of their electricity coming from nuclear power?

"I think they should stop over-reacting."

OFFICE Christmas parties are in full swing. A reader heard a girl on an office night out say to her pal in the pub loo: "Did you see the way she hoovered up the buffet? I tell you, when the photographer said 'Cheese' she immediately said, 'Where?'"

GREAT to see Waterstone's have opened a new bookshop at The Fort in Glasgow's east end. The board outside explains why you should buy someone a book at Christmas as a)books work straightaway as no batteries are required, b)you don't have to worry about what size to get, and c)they are easy to wrap.

They also have a big display of this year's Herald Diary book, signed by the author, which includes the story of the Glasgow woman looking at a treadmill in a store and wondering if they would let her try it first. "What are going to do?" asked her pal, "bring your laundry in and hang damp clothes over it?"

OUR Christmas contest of dropping one letter from a film title to make it more interesting has brought a great response. They include:

*Doctor Hivago - patient's advice to GP unsure of what he should prescribe. (Ian Barnett)

*Hadowlands - Sir Anthony Hopkins remembers his visits to a bygone Glasgow off-sales. (Bill Cassidy)

*A Face in the Crow - Day in the life of a regular at a Bishopbriggs tavern. (James Robertson)

*A Sot in the Dark - a drunk Inspector Clouseau remains clueless. (Martin Laing)

*Close Encounters of the Hird Kind - an evening with Dame Thora (Scott Macintosh)

A Champagne dinner for two donated by the Urban Bar and Brasserie in St Vincent Place for the winner.