Evita edited

THE Diary adores song lyrics.

Mostly because it takes less time to warble a Taylor Swift ditty than it does to trudge through the pages of War and Peace.

(If only Tolstoy had titled his magnum opus ‘No War and Only A Wee Piece of Peace’. It would have been so much easier to negotiate.)

Reader David Donaldson also appreciate musical numbers. He spotted the following inventive lines, in the style of a famous Andrew Lloyd Webber hit, scribbled on a blackboard outside a boozer.

The lyrics deal with the subject mentioned above… pesky Russian literature:

 

Don’t cry for me Dostoyevsky

The truth is I never read you

All through your chapters

Your epic fiction

You kept on writing

I kept my distance.

 

Horsing around

SITTING in a coffee shop in Glasgow city centre with her husband, reader Nicola Munro spotted an elderly chap wearing a cowboy hat at a nearby table.

The Stetson was almost twice as big as the wee fella wearing it.

“I bet he’s got a horse tied up outside,” whispered Nicola.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” replied her husband. “Don’t you know it’s impossible to get a parking spot round here?”

 

Clock blocker

WORK colleagues can be very helpful.

For instance, they will gladly help themselves to that sandwich and donut in your lunchbox when you nip out to the loo.

Though sometimes they can be less than considerate, points out Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie, who says: “I once heard it said of a colleague that ‘he wouldn’t tell you the time, even if he had Big Ben strapped to his wrist’.”

 

Bridge too far?

THE holiday season fast approaches, which means summer blockbusters playing in movie houses.

Film fan Alastair Patrick from Paisley says: “I hear there’s a sequel due to be released which is guaranteed to make us Scots feel right at home. It’s called… The Midges of Madison County.”

 

Brace yourself

THE tricky English lingo can be hard to master, even for natives of these isles.

Gordon Fisher from Stewarton says: “A friend of mine informed me of a workplace problem which he was going to tackle by taking a ‘belch and braces’ approach.”

Adds Gordon: “Funnily enough, my friend does indeed wear braces. And do you know what colour? Why burple, of course.”

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Classy and glassy

ERUDITE reader Donna Scot tells us: “I like to use the word ‘defenestrate’ in casual conversation, whenever a window of opportunity presents itself.”