Red alert
WE’RE discussing the misfortunes of Scotland’s ginger-haired tribe.
Unfortunately when the sun glowers upon their peely-wally skin they turn a crispy shade of red, known to the vendors of Dulux paint as "Exotic Terracotta".
Reader Craig Marshall admits he’s burdened with the ginger hair/pale skin combo, which becomes a cause for concern during his regular jaunts to Spain.
Before flying abroad one year, he visited a Glasgow shop to purchase sunscreen with a suitably high factor number.
The salesman, a cheeky fella, glanced at the cream, glanced at Craig’s pallid fizzog, then said: “This willnae help ye, son.”
Craig inquired what factor he should use instead.
“Forget factors,” smirked the salesman. “You should wear wan o’ they Victorian deep-diving suits, wi’ a sombrero hat on top. If that doesnae protect ye, nothing will.”
Weird science
THE Diary is discussing astronomy, which inspires reader Laura Fox to make a shamefaced confession.
“I’m 63 years old,” she says. “I went to university, hold down a responsible job, manage a large department, pay my taxes and can discuss the arts and politics in a knowledgeable manner.
Yet when someone mentions either astronomy or astrology, I can never recall whether it’s the scientific one or the silly one.
“So I politely nod along, then afterwards rush home to Google it.”
With a piteous moan, Laura adds: “I often wonder who was the sadist who came up with both words, and made them sound so similar.”
Hard times
ACCORDING to our more mature (and moany) correspondents, the yoof of today live disgustingly comfortable lives.
Striking a soldierly pose, reader Andy Cook says: “It wasn’t so easy when I was a lad. I had to walk 10 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.”
Looking good
THE teenage son of Stephen Taylor was studying the contents of the fridge, so Stephen said: “You’ve only just had dinner.”
Replied the teen, defensively: “I’m just enjoying the view.”
Brittle about Brits
OUR readers will be aware that Edinburgh’s feisty queen of professional scribblers, JK Rowling, has been in the news.
The Harry Potter author receives plenty of flak on social media, though she’s never reticent about fighting back with a tartly scripted one-liner.
Yesterday on X (formerly Twitter) she made this pugnacious pronouncement: “From now on, I'm instantly blocking any British person who unironically tweets 'y'all'.”
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Watch the birdie
“I CAN’T take my dog to the park any more,” sighs David Matthew. “The ducks keep biting him. Should have known this would happen. He's pure bread.”
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