AFTER the plagiarism row over Melania Trump's speech at the Republican convention in Cleveland, we confidently expect that husband Donald's big closing speech to delegates will begin with the words, "I have a dream ..."

AS news broke that Steve Bruce had been interviewed by the Football Association about the England manager's job, potentially pitching him against Sam Allardyce, Paddy Power tweeted: "Looks like it's now Steve Bruce v Big Sam. The worst two-horse race since Susan Boyle took on Diversity for the Britain's Got Talent title."

DUE to the doping scandal, observes Amanda Baker, moves are afoot to impose a blanket ban on Putin's athletes. "How cruel," she says. "Doesn't the International Olympic Committee know how cold it is in Russia?"

TO re-work the old adage, there are, it seems, lies, damned lies, and Diary readers' favourite lies.

Today's selection:

* Alex Salmond saying: "The referendum is a once-in-a-generation opportunity."

* "Lady golfers are always welcome at our club."

* "This car has only had one careful lady driver."

* "Our chef recommends . . . " (all Moira Paterson)

* "It's my old auntie's 90th birthday" (Eric Macdonald - "as used by a good friend of mine")

ANDREW Foster, in Cambridge, Ontario, quotes a line he received in an email reply to his dinner invitation. "Thanks for the invite," it read, "but we will have to decline due to health concerns."

It seems to have played on Andrew's mind. "I don't know yet," he concedes, "if this was a lie or a devastating comment on my culinary skills."

More tomorrow.

MORE Boris Johnson news. Jane Ann Liston spotted the story about the small military plane carrying our new Foreign Secretary having to make an emergency landing due to a technical issue

"Could it be," she wonders, "that somebody misinterpreted the comment, 'We've got a loose nut on board?'"

SCOTLAND'S currency: "Having had a Salmond as a leader and now a Sturgeon," argues Keith Hayton, "there can only be one currency: the roe."

SHOUT-outs, part 97. Stephen Murray begins his email with "I know this has been going a few days," which unsettled us as we couldn't tell whether it was a note of approval or of disapproval.

Anyway ... Many years ago on a trip to New York, Stephen and his family watched the Broadway production of Chicago. There was a sad song sung by the husband, Amos, entitled 'Mr Cellophane', at the end of which you couldn’t hear a pin drop.

"Until, that was, our young daughter, in a voice that filled the theatre, said 'Aw! What a pure wee shame.'"

IF Britain leaving the EU is BREXIT, asks Glen Cunningham, should Scotland staying in be known as SCINT?