Valentine's Day special: four couples share their stories of love, adversity and triumph

KIRSTIN INNES

ALAN and I met when we were contributing to a book of essays in 2004. I was concerned our topics were a bit close and had emailed Alan to see what he thought. We became friends on MySpace and kept in touch.

The book launch was in 2007 and we met in the flesh for the first time. There was an instant spark and we spoke all night, but both of us were otherwise romantically entangled.

A few months later Alan called me up. By then our situations had changed. We went on a date and carried on dating. We’ve been together almost 10 years.

We had a not-getting-married party in 2010. That signalled a big public commitment to our friends and family. We didn’t make vows, but had speeches celebrating each other.

Infertility hit us like a truck. It took us four years to have a baby. We had lots of failed IVF. The stress that creates is immense.

It is such a huge, fraught thing to go through and seemed like it would rip us apart at times. It feels like you are locked in a prison holding cell. We were unable to plan for the future because we didn’t know what it would look like.

I had a miscarriage and when I became pregnant again it was a twin pregnancy. That was our last chance on IVF. I lost one of the twins and we thought that was it, but our son was born 10 months ago.

The journey to parenthood has made everything more intense. It has deepened my love and understanding of Alan. Watching him being a father, there is this extra dimension on top of everything else.

ALAN BISSETT

KIRSTIN’S emails were always sparky and had a lot of personality. We would banter back and forth. At the book launch I thought: “God, she’s gorgeous.” What attracted me to her was three things: intelligence, humour and looks.

Kirstin makes me laugh every day. We have our in-jokes and stories and quotes going back 10 years. She has a very strong moral centre. There’s no badness in her. I feel like I fall short of her sometimes, but Kirstin makes me want to try to be a better person, to be worthy of her.

We went through four years of hell trying to have a baby. It was a nightmare. You have all sorts of doubt.

I needed to go on a special diet and cut out things like hot baths, alcohol and certain types of food. Basically pick a thing that I enjoyed and I could no longer do it. That inevitably leads to tensions because you don’t even know if it is going to work.

Then Kirstin got pregnant and stayed pregnant. During her pregnancy the whole tone of the relationship changed to being exciting and fun again. Not that we had lost our connection during the rounds of IVF: it was a bad time but we stuck with each other.

Now we have a happy and healthy 10-month-old baby. We are bonded as a family unit. I don’t ever want that to change. Coming through that has made us stronger.

Authors Alan Bissett and Kirstin Innes. Picture: Kirsty Anderson

Singer-songwriter Horse McDonald, 58, and her wife AJ Higginson, 48, a writer and event organiser, have been together for six years. They had a civil partnership in 2013 and live in Glasgow.

AJ HIGGINSON

I HAD liked Horse’s music for years. I was asked to review a festival she was headlining. I emailed her afterwards and Horse invited me to another concert. I went to interview her and the rest, as they say, is history.

We hit it off as friends and over time grew closer. I got a text from Horse one day, out of the blue, that said: “Do you feel the same way?” I replied: “Yes!” Three days later I left the Isle of Wight and moved to Glasgow.

That was six years ago. Horse is kind, warm, funny and genuine. She wears her heart on her sleeve. I’ve had long-term relationships before but there is something special about Horse. I do believe we are soul mates.

We share our birthday – November 22 – although we were born 10 years apart. She was born in Newport-on-Tay and I was born in Newport on the Isle of Wight.

I’ve had a lot of online bullying since I’ve been with Horse. It has been awful, to the point where we’ve had the police involved. That has been hard because I wasn’t in the public eye before.

We have both been through quite serious illnesses. Horse almost died during an asthma attack a couple of years ago. I have quite severe mental health problems and was hospitalised in the past. Horse helps me deal with that. She is very supportive.

We very much live for the moment and don’t put things off for another day – even if it is just a walk in the park. We love being in the hills or on the beach. I couldn’t imagine life without Horse. She is my best friend.

HORSE McDONALD

FALLING in love with AJ felt natural. She is a very clever woman and I was drawn to her intelligence as much as her good looks. There is something magical about our relationship. You could call it synchronicity. I look into her eyes – I know this sounds corny – but I feel like I’ve come home.

I’m from Lanark and we had our wedding in nearby New Lanark in 2013. That was also like a homecoming and saying: “Here we are, I have no fear” and it felt important for me to tell my mum and dad: “This is the person I love”, having been on a long journey to get to that point.

AJ and I were at the Scottish Parliament when the equal marriage law was passed. All the MSPs turned round and applauded those of us sitting in the gallery. I fell to my knees and started crying. That was a mind-blowing moment and something I never expected to see in my lifetime. It feels like we are walking forward with less prejudice than before.

AJ inspires me every day and there are so many things I wouldn’t have done without her encouragement. I feel like I’m still getting to know her, which is such a nice thing. Our love is ever evolving. It only gets better. It is something you feed and grow.

Horse McDonald’s play Careful opens at Eastwood Park in Giffnock on March 16 before touring Scotland. Visit horsemcdonald.com

Singer-songwriter Horse McDonald and her wife AJ Higginson. Picture: Kirsty Anderson

Writer and broadcaster Stuart Cosgrove, 64, and his wife Shirani Sabaratnam, 51, a TV commissioning editor, live in Glasgow. They have a four-year-old son called Jack.

STUART COSGROVE

WE met in London on the music scene in 1998. Shirani was friendly with Paul Weller and we were introduced through our friend Paolo Hewitt, who was mates with Paul and had worked with me at NME. Then we didn’t see each other for a few years.

Shirani is a real force of nature and people person who makes friends easily. She likes inviting people over and my greatest fear is that she will turn up from the airport with Ladysmith Black Mambazo and the Dresden Symphony Orchestra.

We were married in Galle in Sri Lanka in 2003. The civil war was raging and Shirani could not be married in her village. But she tracked down the Hindu priest who had married her mother and father and he travelled to marry us.

Our greatest adversity was the day we were expelled from Sri Lanka at the height of the civil war. Shirani was six months pregnant and the military government had implicated us in a controversy over a Channel 4 film, The Killing Fields, which had been critical of the prosecution of the war.

The Sri Lankan military made much of the fact that I was a senior manager at Channel 4 and Shirani was a Tamil. They deported us and it has taken three years to regain leave to return. The whole issue has calmed considerably and there is a new government but it was horrendous at the time.

Without Shirani life would have a different smell. There would no longer be candles costing £85 and the house would be lonelier. Much lonelier.

SHIRANI SABARATNAM

STUART read about a film that was being made on the jungle music scene in London and called the producer – who happened to be me – to acquire the film for Channel 4. When the film went to the Amsterdam Film Festival we became close and fell in love fairly quickly.

Being parents has been a challenging joy. Stuart, in particular, came to it late in life, but he claims to be much younger than Michael Douglas. For a while Jack had two nurseries, one in London near Channel 4, and another in the east end of Glasgow.

One day Stuart was bringing Jack up to Glasgow and the plane had engineering problems, so he was stranded at Heathrow scouting for milk and extra nappies: a good learning curve.

Stuart made the decision to leave his job in London to be in Scotland most days and Jack is now Glasgow-based. We are both jealous of his good looks and especially his clothes, which seem much trendier than in days gone by.

How has our love changed and evolved? We have fewer flare-ups and are both keen to get the job done. We have differences but they are not lasting. Both of us are good at accepting blame.

Singer-songwriter Sandi Thom and her husband Matt Benson. Picture: Rick Gould

Musician Sandi Thom, 35, is married to Matt Benson, 41, who works for an investment firm. They have an 11-month-old son Logan and recently moved to Bahrain.

SANDI THOM

IT was the night before Hogmanay. I was living in west Hollywood and my friend invited me out because there were a couple of British guys visiting who she planned to show around Los Angeles.

We went to a Mexican place called Pink Taco. When Matt and his friend arrived there was an immediate chemistry. He seemed a bit of an enigma, although I could tell he was gentle and good-natured.

After Matt returned to the UK we spoke every day for the next month. I met him on December 30, 2014, we had our first date at the end of January and by mid-February Matt was asking my dad if he could marry me.

We didn’t mess around. It was cards on the table. We started trying for Logan almost straight away and were lucky it didn’t take long to get pregnant. We got married on September 12, 2015, and Logan was born on March 9 last year.

I suffered from post-natal depression. You lose sight of yourself and who you are. Motherhood is supposed to be this amazing time yet I had all these conflicting feelings. Thankfully I had Matt to help me through it.

Our relationship has matured. We did dive in at the deep end and faced a lot of challenges that are testing for any couple, never mind a new one. I’m very proud of us.

MATT BENSON

I REMEMBER seeing Sandi standing at the bar. She had a magic about her.

We sat down to eat and my friend had ordered sweetcorn. She helped him cut it up on his plate. I thought that was so motherly. I liked that about her.

It was a whirlwind but we knew from our first date that it was meant to be. We went to find a ring then drove to Scotland where I met Sandi’s dad for the first time. At the end of the meal I asked if he would be happy if I married his daughter.

He paused for about 30 seconds and I wasn’t sure which way it was going to go. He said: “I appreciate you asking me the question. All I ask is that you give it time, but you have my blessing.”

The course of our relationship went: first date, engaged, wedding date set. I imagine that was a challenge for some of our family and friends.

The early excitement and passion has evolved into a far deeper connection. I can’t imagine life without Sandi and Logan.

Sandi Thom plays Stonehaven Town Hall tonight. Her single Tightrope, with all profits going to the PANDAS Foundation, will be released on March 24