The Atelier, Edinburgh

FRANKLY, this isn’t one of my finest moments. Dinner. With Helen and Stephen. Long planned by all but, er, me. Honestly, the last person you want to ask to organise a meal out is a dopey restaurant critic. Been everywhere. Wants to go nowhere.

Edinburgh, I said, being currently tired of Glasgow and having stuck a pin into my secret list of reader recommendations about, erm, three hours ago.

Lovely, they replied. Are you kidding, they probably think but are far too polite to say. So after hour-plus journeys and sat-nav shenanigans which sees both couples passing each other in opposite directions on Morrison Street, we squeeze into a four-seater in one of those shopfront restaurants with a wall like a giant fireplace and table-to-table cool youngsters.

Really, I say, turning shop units into restaurants? Brilliant, Edinburgh. The local council just goes, “Aye, ken, nae problem, ken.”

Try that in Glasgow. But by then everybody is looking at the menu with its fifty banger eight-course discovery journey menu. Let’s go for it, says I, because I’ll be paying.

If I tell you with the power of fast-forward hindsight that the waiter brought the bill when I was in the toilet, in it not climbing out of it, and that the same waiter actually rolled his eyes when I returned to pay up too late…you’ll understand, won’t you?

That when we stepped onto the pavement, in a blizzard, with the snowy M8 before us, Helen and Stephen said to us, have a nice Christmas, if we don’t see you before. Or after. OK, I’m kidding about the last bit but who would blame them?

At the end of eight courses we’re all so full, so heavy, so sleepy that stretchers would have been more appropriate. The thing is, if you want to do a taster menu then you have to weigh it, balance it, lighten it so at the very last mouthful, of the very last dish, a little sign pops up in the diner’s glowing brain saying: ample sufficiency, my man. Ask Andrew Fairlie.

I mention the Michelin star man because, frankly, L’Atelier here is not only in fine dining territory, its prices are squeezing on some Michelin toes. One stars certainly.

Oh, there were good dishes. That single scallop, cooked sous vide first I reckon, then seared, texturely brilliant with caviar, crunchy apple slices and rather showily, scurvy grass.

The lamb sweetbreads with artichoke, fennel, capers (powdered apparently or so the waiter said when quizzed) were pretty much a success even though none of us are usually fans of the thymus gland. It’s a food show-offs thing isn’t it? Tasteless, naturally.

And the stone bass? Farmed or wild? Who knows? Pleasantly meaty, anyway, white fleshed and served with a lovely vinegary Italian peperonata. Bonus points, too, for charring the leeks exactly like Stephen and I had at the two-star Les Cols in Spain.

It was on the taster menu there and it didn’t at any point overwhelm but then they don’t serve full dishes for every course. Here we’re only at course three, or course four if you count the amuse bouche, and the volume is too much. If we stopped now L’Atelier would be doing well.

But the next course of venison? It tastes farmed, and therefore of nothing. There’s a clumsy bone marrow with chopped trumpet mushrooms and an unattractive green paste alongside it. Not good.

And there are still two desserts to come. A Limoncello sponge with meringue that’s a bit dry and has a curious side taste - that couldn’t have been the lemon verbena could it? And a baked pineapple with thyme ice cream and a pineapple reduction that simply tastes meaty.

A fennel shortbread with coffees is crumbly and different and interesting, but it’s too late. We’re beat. The tasting menu turns out to be pretty much everything that’s on the a la carte menu. In similar portions. At this level? Way too clumsy.

The Atelier Restaurant

159-161 Morrison Street, Edinburgh (0131 629 1344, theatelierrestaurant.co.uk)

Menu: Edinburgh fine dining with a fairly spectacular list of ingredients supporting fairly sensible though unsourced meat, fish and shellfish. 4/5

Atmosphere: Pleasant little restaurant with large plate glass windows and a reasonably small bistro-ish feel. 4/5

Price: If volume is your thing then it’s unbeatabale value but the tasting menu lacked finesse and became overwhelming. 2/5

Service: Waiting staff veered between pleasant and very helpful and offhand and in too much of a rush depending on who was serving. 4/5

Food: Had its moments, sadly not enough of them. Lovely scallops dish, interesting sweetbreads and the bass was fine. After that nothing to write home about. 6/10

Total 20/30